The Fifth Commandment   

?Are you fortunate enough to have parents?  Do you realize what that’s worth                                  

 ( I’m going to make some sharp , heavyweight statements. Please bear with me. This article is intended to share the Torah’s view of a parent as opposed to the popular secular view- especially today. No one should take offense to the line of thought to be presented. This article is for parent and children alike.

 

        Is your father or mother  your friend? This is pure moral and ethical corruption . It is a direct outgrowth of  democratic demagoguery . From the Torah point of view all are not equal in society – especially in parent child relationships. Yes, there are things we all have in common but In Jewish philosophy a parent is regarded as being a partner with God in the creation of a child. The father and mother contribute their respective physical ingredients.  God contributes the life giving soul. Being a partner with God gives the parent Godliness, awesomeness.  It is forbidden for a child to consider his parent as his friend.

 How many yeshivas emphasize this point? How many teachers, how many parents emphasize this to their children at a young age? This is one of our most fundamental mitzvoth. It is central to a Jewish home to hold the parents in the highest regard . In some cases that may difficult but one can seek out at least one virtue that the parent has and  use that to generate admiration and  awe for a parent even if the parent has many other inadequacies. This is sooooo!! powerful, soooo meaningful! Soooo brilliant!! Soooo, insightful!! God’ wisdom is just overwhelming!!

       A  parent much teach this at the earliest possible age, realizing that it is not for his own egotistical advantage, rather for the proper (chinuch) character building of his children. Parents who fail to train their children properly often have great sorrow later- when it is already too late .   Even if a child speaks and acts toward his parent with respect, if he (she) does not feel the honor in his (her) heart , the person a gets a low mark in quality performance of the mitzvah. So the proper attitude must be ingrained as early as possible.

It’s not only what you serve your parents, it’s also how you serve them. Sure it’s tough getting there.  But once you’ve arrived , wow !!  When you become mature enough to appreciate, the satisfaction is so great it makes you feel like a million  and privileged to be one of God’s chosen people.

   When he was just nine yrs. old. Rabbi Rephael Baruch Toldano ztz”l became very ill. He was bedridden for a long time and in terrible pain. One day a friend came to visit him and found him crying bitterly because of his condition. .Shortly after, his father arrived to visit as well. Young Rephael Baruch quickly stopped crying and smiled broadly. After his father left the room, his friend expressed his amazement. “How were you able to change your composure so quickly?” he asked.

“It’s enough that I’m suffering. I don’t want to cause my father anguish as well.” Now that’s really something of a sacrifice for a parent!! Imagine… a nine yr. old!!! For a twenty- nine year old it would be amazing too.What about this parent being a friend? How do we handle that ?  The answer is a toughy. A parent has to be very wise. On the one hand he must maintain the role of the teacher , the trainer ,the life coach to his child. On the other hand he has to make it clear to his child that he loves him dearly . He(she) must be warm and giving , comforting and supportive and available in times of need. He is much more than just a coach. He is a father, a mother. It’s a difficult task for a parent to know how to balance the two roles but it is essential that he (she) does so. A child who grows up with such a parent will generally develop with a wholesome attitude and disposition and the self- confidence he needs to get on in life.

  What about this parent being a friend? How do we handle that ?  The answer is a toughy. A parent has to be very wise. On the one hand he must maintain the role of the teacher , the trainer ,the life coach to his child. On the other hand he has to make it clear to his child that he loves him dearly . He(she) must be warm and giving , comforting and supportive and available in times of need. He is much more than just a coach. He is a father, a mother. It’s a difficult task for a parent to know how to balance the two roles but it is essential that he (she) does so. A child who grows up with such a parent will generally develop with a wholesome attitude and disposition and the self- confidence he needs to get on in life.

  To round it all up  – one last point. This mitzvah , if properly carried out is the most wonderful preparation for dealing with difficult people in life and a great way to prepare for marriage.