I don’t know  if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher computers! They are made  in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM.  The price is so  low… even with the shipping from Israel!  However, before you  purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are  some important changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are used  to, such as:

1) The ‘Start’ button has been replaced with a  ‘Let’s go!  I’m not getting any younger!’ button.

2) You  hear ‘Hava Nagila’ during start up.

3) The cursor moves from  right to left.

4) When Spell-checker finds an error it  prompts, ‘Is this the best you can do?’

5) When you look at  erotic images, your computer says, ‘If your mother knew you did this, she  would die.’

6) It comes with a ‘monitor cleaning solution’  from Manischewitz that gets rid of all the ‘schmutz und drek.’

7) When running ‘Scan Disk’ it prompts you with a ‘You want I  should fix this?’ message.

8) After 20 minutes of no activity,  your PC goes, ‘Schloffen.’

9) The PC shuts down automatically  at sundown on Friday evenings.

10) It comes with two hard  drives – one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik  (games).

11) Instead of getting a ‘General Protection Fault’  error, your PC now gets ‘Ferklempt.’

12) The multimedia player  has been renamed to ‘Nu, so play my music already!’

13) When  your PC is working too hard, you occasionally hear a loud ‘Oy Gevalt!’

14) Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.

15) When disconnecting external devices from the PC, you are  instructed to ‘Remove the cable from the PC’s tuchus.’

16)  After your computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours.

17) But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can’t get SPAM…